


Food, Family and Fretting

by bluntblade



Series: In My Head and On My Mind [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A day in the life of the Resistance, Angst, Between Episodes, F/F, F/M, Female Friendship, Found-family theme, Hanging Out, Not Reylo, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Post-TLJ, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25452253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluntblade/pseuds/bluntblade
Summary: Rey tries to relax with her friends, but it's never quite possible to keep Kylo Ren out of her head.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Kaydel Ko Connix & Poe Dameron & Finn & Rey & Rose Tico, Kaydel Ko Connix/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: In My Head and On My Mind [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1719016
Kudos: 7





	Food, Family and Fretting

Rey ached, that rubbery ache which told her that most of her major muscle groups were deeply unhappy with her. She'd left off a lengthy sparring session in favour of weights, a punishing array of lifts, squats and lunges. They’d be flying for a couple of days tomorrow, which would give her time to recover. On the other hand, that also spent she’d spend sat around aboard the Millennium Falcon, hurting.

The lunges, for her muscles, were a particular source of discontent. Her glutes assured her that she'd grunt and groan every time she sat down or got up tomorrow. _And it would serve her right_ , they grumbled.

Still, it meant she got to sit around, watching the others spar and run through marksmanship exercises. And she had the chance to hang out a little with Kaydel, who was using Rey's workout as an excuse to justify making dinner for her. 

Kaydel was an enthusiastic cook, when circumstances allowed, though her concoctions tended to be rather less healthy than standard rations. There’d be plenty of veg in the mix, but without fail she would've sourced a second, different portion of meat and it was rarely a lean cut - always on the basis that it was a treat.

Still, Rey liked her cooking, and relished a chance to really indulge. For most of her life, food had meant bland nutrient soups and scavenged ration packs. Which wasn’t all that different from most of the stuff she ate currently. The Resistance’s supplies tended not to stretch to delicacies.

So Kaydel’s cooking, like her company, was something Rey savoured. While she ate, she watched BB-8 and Jess’s droid BA-9, chasing each other in winding loops.

"Spicy," she observed after a few mouthfuls, "but not overpowering. Is this another Gatalean recipe, Kaydes?"

"Actually it's Yavin. Poe grew up eating this stuff and taught me how to cook it - though I made some additions," she grinned, before she turned all mock-reproachful. "You should know, you've got him calling me ‘Kaydes’ as well now. I hope you're happy."

"With your cooking? How couldn't I be?"

"Toady." But Kaydel's tone was playful, and she leaned on Rey's shoulder. 

Rey smiled and rested her head on Kaydel's. "Funny tart. By the way-" She made herself say it before her nerves could stop her, stroking Kaydel's braid. "-I like the new hairdo."

And she willed herself to just find this normal, to stop herself fretting about what would happen when they'd been like this for five minutes.

"Aww," Rose chuckled when she found them. "Any of the good stuff going spare, Kaydes?"

" _Mrrraaah!_ " Kaydel remonstrated with Rey through a mouthful of food, but she produced a third tray of food and passed it over to Rose.

Rey giggled as Kaydel slid back into place, though a twinge of self-consciousness wormed through her with Rose's look. Even if it was a fond look, which betrayed the impulse to say something like _you two are so sweet together_.

But Rose was too tactful to make anything of it, and quickly changed the subject. "How's Leia today, Rey?"

"Still spry, but like she says herself…"

" _Don't call it a comeback_ ," Kaydel said dolefully. "There'll be good weeks and bad, just like she has good and bad days."

"This must be hardest on you," Rey murmured. "You've been around her longer than any of us." _Not to mention you were close with her so quickly_ , she thought, remembering their conversations on their last mission. _You and Poe both know how diminished she is._

Rey had known Leia for all of a day before she took off for D’Qar. The next time she saw her was Crait, and by then the damage was done. Not that she had realised the full extent during the weeks after that. Perhaps only Kaydel had, back then.

The Resistance, to a man and a woman, lived with the memory of lost friends and family and the fear of losing more. For Finn, over on the grass sparring with Nyzar, it had been seeing Han stabbed and Rose nearly killed saving him on Crait. Rose herself had been robbed of a sister, while Kaydel had lost her brother. And, though Poe never spoke of it, Sokka Kest Connix was just one of the many comrades he’d seen perish, even if he'd been one of the dearest.

As for Rey, she’d found and lost two would-be father figures in as many weeks. And in between, she’d found and lost… what had it been, that she’d seen in Ben Solo? A hope to salvage something from Han Solo’s death? A desire for companionship - just what sort of companionship, she still couldn’t quite decide even now - from someone who understood what she was struggling with.

She had been denied both those things, and forced to faced what her nemesis really was at his core. But still, her thoughts flew back to him.

_You never had siblings, did you Ben? You and your armies have taken so many families from the people of the Galaxy; would it have been any different had you had a sister or a brother?_

She knew that he had his “siblings”, the Knights of Ren who stalked at his side. So it was said, anyway. Some months ago, Ren had vanished off into shadowed and storied reaches of space, and even the remnants of the Force Bond which Snoke had forged between them was quiet.

_But they’re not your brothers and sister, not in truth. You’re not even the alpha among pack hunters as I once thought._ The texts she’d read on certain Dark Side rituals had shown her the truth. _They’re your slaves, yoked to your will until death. I wonder if that’s what you would have done to me, had you got the chance?_

 _Do you hear any of this, Ben?_ Silence was her only answer, which she'd expected. What remained of their Force Bond after Crait seemed to only carry emotions and the suggestion of memories. But she went on with her questions.

_Might you have had someone else to cling to when things fell apart around you, if there hadn’t just been one Solo child? How much could have been averted? Who would you have grown to be instead of what you’ve become? How much heartbreak might have been spared?_

But there was no rejoinder. Instead, she was jolted back to reality by Kaydel’s hand squeezing hers.

“Huh?” Rey pulled away – just a little, but sharply.

“I said you were clicks away, Rey. Out in the ozone much?” Kaydel’s expression softened. “Just kidding. You’ve got more right to get lost in thought than anyone else… but your dinner’s getting cold.”

“Oh kriff, sorry.” Suddenly remembering how hungry she was, Rey bolted the meal. But the moment was broken, and Kaydel was looking at her with a faint sadness which Rey found difficult to place.

_Even from so far away, you invade my family_ , she said silently to Kylo Ren, half a Galaxy or more distant. _I find it so difficult to trust because of how you used me._

She wanted it to feel right for her to take Kaydel’s hand and squeeze it back, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so because of the memories which came bubbling up at the thought. So she sat in silence, trying to ignore Kaydel’s concerned gaze even as she endeavoured to blot out the memory.

But Kaydel’s face was difficult to keep her eyes off, and Rey noted the way the other woman’s eyes lingered on the tray. _Ah, no review_.

“That might be your best yet,” she smiled. “Bloody hell, I wish I’d discovered proper food earlier.”

That banished the worry from Kaydel’s face, and she leaned into Rey’s side again. “You should pitch in next time. You’re handy with your tools, I reckon you could slice and dice pretty neatly.”

“I think I might,” Rey said quietly.

“I’ve seen the proof of that every time she picks up a vibroblade,” came Finn’s voice. He, Poe and Chewbacca had made their way up from the training course to join the group. “Save any for us, Connix?”

“Nah, that’s special treatment for our Jedi,” Poe grinned.

Kaydel bowed her head a little. “Sorry boys.”

“No harm done. I’ve got you covered.” Rose produced a bag of food which neither of the other women had noticed. “These are all cold bits, but-”

“But they’ll do just fine,” Finn told her, slumping down next to her and leaning in for a kiss. He let Poe have the first pick, and Chewie the second, before reaching to take a few pieces for himself. “We ran into Shriv on the course.”

Rose perked up. “Surgav? He’s back?”

“Yeah, and he’s got some hairy stories. Some of them might actually be true.”

“Particularly,” said Poe, “this extraction op that Dross Squadron pulled on Tharsal VII. So picture this, a whole city locked down so Shriv says ‘what the hell, we’re already dirty wretches so let’s take the sewers...’”

“Of course he does,” Rey muttered, shaking her head.

“Right. But then, what do they run into at the first intersection but a full-grown Amoeboid…”

The gang lost themselves in the tale, and Rey managed to relax again for a while.


End file.
